People hardly know me. And for those who do, they know I burn out trying to be the best version of myself. There’s actually a reason for that. Growing up, I was always trying to outdo myself, whether it was for me, for class, or to make my family proud. My whole identity was built around being smart.
The problem with tying your worth to one thing, like being smart, is that it boxes you in. You start avoiding anything that might make you feel average. You only do what feels safe, what you already know. And without noticing, you stop growing. That was me. I fell off, hard.
This video put everything I felt into words.
What happened to me?
Being smart was what people saw in me. It was the thing that got me noticed. So I held onto it. I avoided anything that might make me look otherwise. Even stuff I cared about, I didn’t try, because I was scared I’d mess it up.
Eventually, I wasn’t growing. I was just holding on to an image. I was overthinking everything. Trying to solve emotional stuff with logic. Telling myself I should have figured it all out by now. But I hadn’t. I just felt stuck.
And that’s the scary part. You don’t fall off in some loud, dramatic way. You just stop showing up little by little. And you don’t even notice it happening.
The curb
That’s where I found myself. Not rock bottom, just out of the way. On the edge of life. Quiet, numb. Life’s going on, but it feels like it’s not happening to you anymore. You’re just watching. And eventually, you start to think maybe that’s just who you are now.
What pulled me out?
It wasn’t some big moment that changed me. Just small things. Watching people close to me live with honesty. Not trying to be perfect. Just showing up, messing up, and still moving.
That did more for me than any quote or video ever could. Because when you look up to people near you, you don’t just see who they are. You see how they get there. And you realize you’re allowed to try. You’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to not have it all figured out.
That’s what inspires me now. Not being perfect. Just being real, and learning from the people around me who are doing the same.
The best role model is closer than you think.